65 – Marked

I trace Your initials, watch them extend
Into almost anything not Your name:
Burst into tears of grief, and leaf and flame
Go curling like a kite, or river bend.
They map a journey, loop me up, and mend
Become a maze I’m lost in or a frame
That I can jump through – never quite the same
Your letters always have more news to send.

So many ways You touch me, turn into:
How can I choose out of them all one sign
To keep forever as a mark of You
Or squeeze Your richness into one brief line?
I sit and trace my very first tattoo
Upon this surface now, next week on mine.

64 – Unique

So I can say: You are like this, or that:
You are the most amazing megastar
Touching my skin across a gap so far
That I can only gaze in wonder at:
You are the chill that kills my thermostat
You boil me up inside Your samovar
Then strap me up and zap me in Your car
From 0 to 60 in one second flat:

Or not. For none of that is strictly true.
You are like nothing else, Yourself, unique-
Untouchable, not winnable, for You
Keep disappearing everywhere I seek
And this is joy, more than I ever knew,
Sung in a language I can hardly speak.

63 – Cages

These cages that I build. These words I twist
Into an antique shape – as if I could
Coax you inside, and keep you here for good,
Closing myself around you like a fist.

These ends I run to, hardly can resist -
Torn fragments not quite meeting as they should.
There is so much I haven’t understood.

Shut up in my own mind, how much I’ve missed

The secret of your beauty – learned so slowly
To let you be yourself, and set you free,
To offer you the keys to my whole city:

And now you have them, who knows what will happen -
Where you will take your steps, or if I can
Both when you come, and when you go, stay open?

62 – Merlin

My Nimue, my Lady of the lake,
The traps you have in store I can foretell
But not escape. You have me in your spell -
The secrets of my soul are yours to take.

I know that one day soon I will awake
A prisoner locked inside your liquid cell -
Your falcon, too, that sports a silver bell
And perches, blind and hooded on your stake.

No matter what I do, it ends the same:
Your element of water drowns my fire -
Turns back upon myself my twisted flame -
How could I ever hurt my heart’s desire?

This is a tale that haunted all my youth
And now your magic turns it into truth.

61 – Missing

My arrows fall too short or overshoot -
They fly away distracted by your stare
Or bounce right off that armour which you wear,
Wrapped up in lipstick, rubber dress and boot:

None of my darts have ever taken root
Inside your breast, or planted flowers there:
But spill themselves into the empty air
Get crushed or splintered underneath your foot:

And not one word has found the perfect length
That flightpath that would take me to your heart,
They drift aside and suddenly lose strength
Where is that brilliant, bullseye-hitting dart?

And then, I sometimes wonder, what I’d do
If one of them did find a pathway through…

My arrows fall too short or overshoot -
They fly away distracted by your stare
Or bounce right off that armour which you wear,
Wrapped up in lipstick, rubber dress and boot:

None of my darts have ever taken root
Inside your breast, or planted flowers there:
But spill themselves into the empty air
Get crushed or splintered underneath your foot:

And not one word has found the perfect length
That flightpath that would take me to your heart,
They drift aside and suddenly lose strength
Where is that brilliant, bullseye-hitting dart?
And then, I sometimes wonder, what I’d do
If one of them did find a pathway through…

60 – Away

I click on “Send”, and send myself away,
And suddenly I’m not your lucky slave
Who spends each month preparing for one day
Of being hurt, and taught how to behave.

And you’re a beauty, and I’m bald and grey
And I’m a damned sight closer to my grave
And I’ve been stupid – more than I can say
And wasted all those precious gifts you gave.

I’ve been a sinner, losing my belief -
Too selfish and obsessed with my own pride:
And now I’ll never tremble like a leaf
When you come close, and linger by my side:
Or kiss your skin, or rocket for that brief
Ecstatic flight,  across a sky so wide.

59 – Break in

You’ve got so many ways to slip inside:
Unpick me with a needle or a pin
Or grab a bat and smash me open wide
Or trick me with that story that you spin:
Perhaps an insecurity you’ve spied,
The window flapping like a lip of skin
Some gently pressure carefully applied -
You’ve got so many ways to break me in.

Then all I am lies ready for the taking
Spilling down the stairs & out of doors
As if a dam deep in my head is breaking:
And yet I’ve no complaint: there is no cause.
This ain’t no scene from Crimewatch in the making
What happens to be mine was always yours.

58 – Toy

It’s black inside this box in which I’m locked:
There’s just one little slit of light to see
You move about in brightness wild and free
But otherwise my sight’s completely blocked.

And if you let me out I’ll just get knocked
Or tied up like a kinky Christmas tree:
I should be happy that you don’t want me
Cut up in pieces, painted pink, or frocked.

This is the fate I always had in store:
To fill a tiny fragment of your day
With bits of fun I might be useful for,
Then put with all your other toys away:

I can’t explain how much this less is more -
How perfect are the moments when we play.

It’s black inside this box in which I’m locked
There’s just one slit of light where I can see
You move about in brightness wild and free
But otherwise my sight’s completely blocked.And if you let me out I’ll just get knocked
Or stripped & knotted like a tangled tree:
I should be happy that you don’t want me
Packed off to Oxfam, painted pink, or frocked.

This fate, perhaps, I always had in store:
To fill a tiny fragment of your day
With silly things I might be useful for
And then be put like any toy away:

I can’t explain how much this less is more -
How perfect are those moments when we play.

57 – Hunting

If blacked out cars behind You jump the light,
And floorboards chatter when You’ve gone to bed,
If solitary birds fly overhead
And things aren’t always where You left them, quite:

If shadows hug the corners of Your sight
And phone lines often click and then go dead
And words approach Your lips but won’t be said
And footprints fill Your garden overnight:

Remember this, when time begins to slow,
And goosebumps flow like kisses down Your arm:
It’s just my heart, out hunting for the calm
That only comes from being where You go:
That searches for Your spirit high and low
And hungers for You, though it means no harm.

56 – Flayed

Rip out my eyes: chop off my ears and nose
Remove my fingertips to stop them feeling
Then flay my skin and hang it from the ceiling
Like a suit of quaint old-fashioned clothes:
O take a bloody hacksaw to my toes
And knee bones too: since I’ve no cause for kneeling -
And nothing that will send my senses reeling -
Because You’ve gone, their reason also goes.

And take my heart (that’s Yours) and brain, and gut
And if, perhaps, You’ve somewhere for safe-keeping
Stuff them all inside & lock it shut
Then wrap some bandage round in case of seeping:
For this is sometimes how You leave me, cut
Wide open like a wound that can’t help weeping.